Friends who makes everything under there wet. Yum! Thats sexy! No romantic things! Rules are rules!
So i figured i dont really love him anymore either. I want to think that i was using him for sex and companion. Oh well, ill find my flesh dick soon. I’ll just have to wait and maybe use my new vibrator a lot. It is not the same as real ones but ill get use to it :) yummm #nymphmode
Why do i keep being sad every time bay goes to san jose? I keep imagining him and ari together? Am i wrong for not trusting him? Am i wrong for feeling jealous? How do i keep myself together?
I used to think, love is so precious! When you love someone, you have to say it to them. Keep them very special and treasure them like you don’t care about other things.
All i want is to be happy. All i want is to be with you and find my peace with you. But youre not lettin me, im done being your rebound. Im so sorry for loving you too much. All i wanted is you! All i wanted is to be with you!!!! I love you soooo much, but i need to move on. I cant continue being hurt by you anymore. Im so sorry, i have been so stupid.
I started going back to badminton again and it feels really good to hang with these people again. I missed sooo much things! Right now, i am pretty tired. I talked to soooo many people again! It feels great to be back again! I give up forcing myself too much to bay. I will try to see him only if i am in badly need to have his embrace. I love him so much and I will always let him know that. It was nice of him to make plans for him and I. Too bad it didnt happen, but its okay! There’s tomorrow sunday, where we can hang out all day? At least i get to see him :)
WARNING: You know most of the time, I really feel that i am not appreciated. I give too much love and i don’t get anything in return or don’t receive it as much as I want. I guess that’s part of growing up—- realizing that no one AND NO ONE can ever satisfy one’s love. Living at my auntie’s right now and witnessing how they are raising milan, i realized that you and I, are really not fit to be together. This is because I am in thirst of love and you are broken because of love. You cannot satisfy what I want and need. It is not that I am desperate to have you, i just need to feel that i am respected and acknowledged as a person that is in love with you. BUT I CANT EXPECT YOU TO DO THAT! Being here right now and looking at how milan smiles. I see the purity and innocence in love. I realize i do have that, towards you at the least. But for myself, because i know things right now and i cannot lie i’ve been deeply hurt before, i mixed it with craziness and obsession. Afraid of losing you and scared to have your back turned around me. I TREASURE YOU and I do not want to hurt you. I think about you every second like my baby who is very fragile and sensitive. I give all the things you would like because i do not want you to be very blue with all the things happening around you. I want you to be happy or at the least strive to be one. Being focused at that mission, i realized that I am starting to be more hurt and I inevitably became more thirsty. I wanted more of you when i know myself that you cannot fulfill that. I always thought about leaving you and cut off my feelings for you ever since the first week i met you, BUT I DIDN’t. I realized even if i leave you then, I WOULDN’t be happy. I would think about you night and day. Worry about your alcoholism problem and unsaid feelings. There’s just a lot of things that I want to say that is why i am writing this right now. I apologize for disrupting your life with my emotions. I am an innocent girl hoping to love freely and feel that is loved. What i want? Despite all these feelings, i also just want to be happy. i want to love freely and for now, that is all that matters. If i want to be happy, i will love you freely and no one can’t stop me except if you persuasively stop me. Someday, i will get tired of feeling unappreciated and unlove that i will find peace from another. IT IS OKAY! That is life and I know you know how that feels. In fact, you probably know everything about relationships with your past. Past is past. They have ended and they purposely ended for a reason. It would feel nice and sometimes terrible to look at them, but they are past and no one can change that… Except on how we look at them. I am pretty sure you know that yourself. You are a good man and i really that is what made me in love with you. BUT YOU ARE A TERRIBLE LOVER. Sometimes i think all you care is sex and companion. You always want me to agree with you, but i always digress because i thought NOT! I really think it is funny when you get agitated to the fact that we are in different terms. BUT THAT IS NORMAL! you are such a baby! I love you! To sum it up, i am in love with you right now and i will treasure these feelings i have for you, even if it is one sided. I know that i myself made that “you and i” things or the “us” things, and i am not ashamed. I am in love and i will not keep it to myself how i feel towards you. I will always let you know how i feel because i learned we are two different people. I am not responsible in being there for you all the time and you are not as well for me, BUT I CHOSE TO BE YOUR SHOULDER TO LEAN ON all the time because i love you and i do not want you to fall. I will always love you even if you find peace from another person. It is a shame that i only had you as my very first boyfriend for two weeks. Really though, i felt amazing to have you and be titled as someone in your life for those short period of time. When you said you wanted space, that really broke me, and you should know how it feels. That feeling of rejection and confusion as to what I have actually done. It was terrible! Despite all that, i chose to stay in love with you. I cared and worry about you all the time. This may just be an illusion, but it makes me feel great all the time you do something special and improvement to yourself. Sometimes it burst me into tears that It makes me feel satisfied for not giving up on you. Although things and situations are hard as it is, i will never stop loving you and i will definitely not stop caring for you. Even if our ways will go in different directions, i will aways think about you. I know this pretty cliché but it is what i feel. I really want to puke right now because of these feelings but it is what i feel. I love doing things with you, especially sexy ones. Hehe and i sure hope you do too! I love everything about you. I know, everything i say is soooo not original. BUT I LOVE YOU AND please DONT JUDGE. i just want you to know how i feel right now, and even if it annoys you, i will never stop. That is all! Lol i was actually hoping you would read it in your free time and not right now, but whatever. This is my letter for you, my love. You are not responsible to understand me, i am just writing what i feel and what i feel only. 😃 i love you so much and please let me love you in my way. I will really treasure these feelings for you forever because you were my very first real boyfriend and i will never forget how you made me feel very very special.